Kathryn Hulings

Photo Credit: Amazon

Michael- born to a family a world away from the area Kathryn Hulings lives- had no way of knowing how different his life could and would be. His birth mother knew- knew that because Michael was different- she could not raise him. She chose to do 3 things, 3 remarkable things as Kathryn states- the most remarkable thing was a lie. A lie that could have far reaching consequences. Michael’s birth mothers told her family that Michael was not alive. Thus this lie change Michael’s life from how it would be in the area he was born in to the life it was to become nestled in Kathryn Hulings’ arms and loving, open family.

Kathryn was no stranger to therapy as her other children went for various therapies from time to time. But Michael was so different- because of his Down Syndrome, at first, he was exposed to a litany of different therapies to help him achieve milestones. Soon, though, Kathryn learned the family would have to be the therapists- that professional was great for check in’s- but she needed to have a hands on role. She embraced her role and Michael began learning to crawl, walk, and talk- maybe at a slower pace than his brothers and sisters- but still reaching those milestones.

Kathryn, as a mother, did not always do things the “right” way- she made mistakes, she cursed, she not a perfect mother. But she loved her kids- and the love of her kids almost played a role in her leaving the world too early. Kathryn had a routine surgery- a hysterectomy. Unknown to her, the doctor had a list of complaints and was engaging in self-medication. After surgery, she continued to feel pain- but partly because no one listened and partly because she was determined to be at every event her children were at- she forged on. Till she couldn’t. Nearly dead, he husband makes her hold Michael- to remind her she must fight the illness for him, for them, for the children. And fight she did.

Kathryn and Jim had many fights ahead of them- one in particular with the school system. From having problems finding a pre-school that would take Michael, to dealing with terrible attitudes; then to real school where over the course of Michael’ education- he’s had top notch teachers and others who were not. Kathryn advise other parents to be vocal, to be up front, to be an advocate for your child.

Michael, while to some of the world he may appear different, is like other kids. He likes superheroes, Adam Sandler and other types of toys, Pixar characters and on and on. He sometimes has trouble expressing himself- his words can get jumbled. But, like the good things in life, if you take the time- Michael shows how smart he is, how caring and loving.

Kathryn ends the book on a high note as she talks about Michael being gainfully employed and that life is pretty good. Michael is engaged- and is learning life lessons as an adult (how to manage a debit card, for example). Some days he makes mistakes- he does not always realize that seeing something on TV means he can’t do that in real life. But, with guidance from Kathryn and Jim- he is easing his way into adulthood.

A little baby came from a far off place- a place on the other side of the world- a baby that was different on the outside; but on the inside just like everyone else- wanting to be loved, cherished, have family and friends. This baby is Michael, this story is his. He enriched the life of the Hulings- and they love him for everything he does.

Traveling With T’s Thoughts

Kathryn tells the story of Michael with passion- she is his mother, his advocate, and his protector. From the stories of school, to the funny ways that Adam Sandler impacted the Huling’s life- to Michael growing, reaching milestones, and thriving- this book is a love letter to her son. A way to document the good times, the challenges- and the pure joy of raising Michael. At times, funny and always heart-warming- for a fan of non-fiction, this book might be exactly what you are looking for!

Here is my previously posted interview with Kathryn Hulings.

I don’t read many non-fiction books. I read a few a year, as I see fit and when the topic is interesting. Receiving an email from Kathryn’s publicist- I was intrigued about Life With a Superhero- mainly, the idea of raising Michael and sending him to school. Being familiar with certain guidelines and lack of funding in some school districts- I wanted to read about Kathryn and her advocate ways, A thoughtful and thought-provoking book, Life With a Superhero: Raising Michael Who Has Down Syndrome will be a book that will leave you thinking.

Kathryn agreed to be interviewed for Traveling With T, and here is the interview!

Interview with Kathryn Hulings

* Life with a Superhero: Raising Michael Who Has Down Syndrome is about one of your children, Michael, who has Down syndrome. It’s about raising him- the joys, the lessons you learn, the lessons that Michael teaches others. Writing this book, which is a personal story- how hard was it to write? Did you worry about sharing pieces of your life with the world?

The story itself was both a joy to write and very complicated to write. It was joyful because it is about my favorite people in the world—my children and my husband—and how they are the center of my life. It was complicated because I had to revisit some ideas and times that were full of sorrow or remained intricate in how they were unresolved or in some sort of limbo.

As such, I did worry about sharing aspects of this book with the world. For instance, my husband, Jim, and I knew that sharing the circumstances of Michael’s adoption with the readership of this book would be the catalyst for finally sharing that info with him. The book took over five years to write, and had its genesis over twenty years ago, so we had discussed it at great length, finally deciding that Michael was ready to know. In the end, it is a great and beautiful part of Michael’s life that provides special context for his singular story. It needed to be included. When we told Michael, he was somewhat nonplussed. He is exceptionally secure in how much he is loved and cherished.

I also hesitated when writing about issues of sexuality. But sexuality is an imperative, exciting part of life! Its importance is no different for Michael, but the context has been. I had considered myself to have been open about sex with all my kids, but Michael made me realize that I really hadn’t had a completely honest conversation about sex with anyone. Michael behaved in certain ways, asked certain questions and shared certain information, all without an iota of shame and little inhibition, that left me no choice but to explain issues of sex and the body very carefully, thoroughly, and repetitively. To have not written about it would have been to overlook a very large part of existence.

At first, I also did not want to write about my personal experiences with illness and the resulting physical issues I face. Again, after much soul searching and late night talks with Jim, I decided that leaving it out would be dishonest. It happened, and it has affected my life. Every day I remind myself that even though I face some unique challenges, I am so very blessed to be here, to be alive and to be the mother of five wonderful children and the partner of a remarkable man. Every day I vow to live my life to the fullest and to celebrate even the most difficult of days. I knew that not telling this part of the story would also take away the chance to offer hope for people experiencing their own pain.

I also needed to be honest about my own actions and behaviors that were not exactly positive, to say the least, which gave me pause. Again, I needed to be honest because at times, we all stutter and stumble and act ridiculous, especially when it comes to our children. I try to show that in some situations, I would have done anything to keep Michael safe and included. That doesn’t mean everything I did was beyond reproach. What I see now in hindsight as bad behavior, really seemed necessary in some of the challenging moments that occurred. If I wanted to connect to other families, I knew that leaving this out would make me seem unapproachable and unreal.

In the genre of creative nonfiction, it is imperative to write that which is true. Still, the genre is subjective, as the truth being told is from the writer’s perspective. This was also a concern I had. There is always the risk of a character in a creative nonfiction story being offended or hurt about what is written. I tried to protect identifies as much as I could where this might occur and follow the best ethical writing practices I could.

* Kathryn, do you have a writing routine? A writing space?

I am a spouse, a parent, a dog owner, and I teach English and Composition full time at Colorado State University. You could say my writing routine is as follows: whenever I can fit it into my life!

I do try to schedule about ten hours a week only for writing, in the evenings, in my home office, but sometimes that schedule gets interrupted, so I need to adjust. I do always carry a notebook, and I am constantly jotting down ideas.

* Many schools lack the funding for specialized programs to ensure that children with Down Syndrome are reaching their full potential- which is a shame for the parents and the children. When enrolling Michael in school- what were your concerns? How did you ease them? Was the school receptive? Do you have advice for other parents in similar situations?

My major concern when Michael started school was that he would have friends, that he would be included, and that he would learn how to think in meaningful ways. This was my major concern for all of my children in their educational milieus!

I admit, though, that I experienced a bit more maternal angst with Michael. I was concerned about large class sizes, the possibility of contained classrooms where Michael would not benefit from inclusion, and the potential for cruelty.

My family is fortunate in that we live in a district with a progressive school system that values inclusion. Still, our game plan was based on always being involved and in the forefront of decisions that were made regarding Michael. We made sure to be immediately and continually connected with Michael’s special education teachers, general education teachers, school counselor, principals, doctors, friends, and other parents in order to not only always participate in Michael’s Individual Education Plan meetings (IEPs), but to formulate and present our dreams and Michael’s dreams as a big part of the discussion and planning. In a nutshell, I would suggest to other parents to not hesitate to advocate for their children. Ask questions! Speak out! Form partnerships and communities!

I believe that in general, ideological progress is being made toward communities banding together to address many of the concerns, including educational issues for children with special needs, especially with such things as Rosa’s Law, Spread the Word to End the Word, and continued adherence to IDEA and ADA laws. I still think, however, that there is much practical work to be done in terms of training educators how to create a meaningful, inclusive classrooms; assuring funding for that to happen; and educating businesses on the wonderful perks of hiring people with special needs to be part of their workforce. It may not be optimal, but continuing a lot of this work will have to be spearheaded and done by families.

* After people read Life with a Superhero: Raising Michael Who Has Down Syndrome, what do you hope people will take away from the reading? What is the message you wished to convey with this book?

I hope that readers will walk away with a new found appreciation for the potential we all have in life, regardless of our genetics. I also hope that readers will walk away smiling and maybe feeling a bit more normal in their own strange and wonderful existences.

I just knew that I needed to chronicle what was unfolding before me in my family’s experiences. I sensed that having an adopted child who has a disability and then becoming disabled myself was not an exclusive experience, even though at times it felt quite solitary. I figured that maybe I could share my family’s journey and help other families in the same boat feel not so alone and maybe giggle along the way.

Likewise, my tales of living with Michael and all his siblings do show that sometimes we do very creative things that might look a bit nutty to help our children, and I hope this might also provide some sense of normalcy for other families.

Finally, so many of our other kids’ friends and their parents have shared with us that knowing Michael has changed their outlooks on disability and provided opportunities within their own families to talk about acceptance, kindness, and their own roles in making the world an inclusive place. I hope that feeling can be expanded with this book.