Today, 1 year ago, I married Keith. It’s been a year. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I mean that it’s literally been a year and also it’s been a year of adjustments, of figuring out life as a married couple.

You may know that statistically I’m on the far side of getting married for the first time. Most people who got married at my age were on their 2nd or even 3rd marriages. I, however, spent most of my 20’s dating the wrong guys and trying to make it work, spent my 30’s not dating anyone, and was going to be quite content with my cat, my nieces, my books and whatever hobbies caught my attention.

And then I met this man. And everything changed.

We just click. We make each other laugh. Is our life perfect? No. But is there anyone else that I would like to be with to get through this thing called life with? Also no. He’s my person. My lobster.

A few pictures of the big day before I start revealing what I have learned over the year:

In the year since I’ve been married, I’ve learned:

Yes, your husband will annoy you some days. Even if you do get along, there are going to be days you’ve been cleaning up and he will come in and mess stuff up. And you may want to die because you’ve been working so hard.

Find someone who makes the routine fun. I don’t usually mind running errands, but errands with Keith are more fun. I turn up my music, dance in the passenger seat, and we handle errands like a boss. Also, I am totally in my passenger princess era.

Sometimes you gotta be firm. I run like a hamster on a wheel until I am exhausted and Keith is more laid-back about things. So occasionally someone (me) has to be firm when it comes to deadlines or getting things done. Because that honey-do list is NEVER gonna get shorter and there is never any shortage of crap to do around the house.

It’s better to have talks early and often about things (budgets, etc) than to think it’ll all get sorted out on it’s own.

You gotta make time for fun because the stuff that you have to do will never truly end and you might as well have some fun.

Say when you are upset. When you feel like you are not being heard. When you need support (physical, mental, or emotional).

Have special couple things. Like maybe a restaurant you two go to by yourself. Or a hobby that is just ya’lls.

Fill your own damn well. Yes, you are part of a couple; but you are still a person. Maybe you decide to have a day to yourself and go get a mani, pedi, massage type day. Maybe you meet a friend for a long lunch and you talk about your hobbies or the books you’ve been reading. Maybe you go for a long drive one day, with a large Vanilla Coke from Sonic and listen to a good audiobook. You were a person before marriage and you are still a person after marriage.

What a wise lady told me at one of my bridal showers: “Don’t do anything in the first three months of marriage that you aren’t prepared to do for the rest of your married life.”

Don’t stop woo-ing each other. Wear the good perfume. Or the earrings that you loved to wear when you were dating. Pick up the good chocolates and gift them to your husband/wife. Give flowers just because. Take them for the ice cream they love.

Do nice things just because. Not for any reward, for a thank you, or a favor owed. Just because you know your hubby/wife will be happy when they see X done.

It’s been a year. We are working on many things. Getting the house to feel more “ours”. Moving stuff from my parents house. Finding places to put my books. Trying to navigate the waves of living with a man who snores and hits the snooze button 3 times before he gets up (WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!)

Yesterday, I shared a memory about our upcoming wedding and I wrote this:

It’s been a year of firsts. Our first married Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Our first Christmas tree.

Projects around the house from the teeny (new faucets and yes, we’re extra cheesy because we bought the Caldwell faucets ) to bigger projects like working on the yard. Hanging up pictures, making the house feel “ours” as opposed to his. Rearranging cabinets and closets and bathrooms.

This past Saturday morning, we both were sitting on the front porch and drinking coffee. The grass has been recently cut. The front yard has been worked on by both of us and my multitude of hibiscus plants were blooming. The wind was blowing and the wind chime was twinkling. The hummingbirds were eating. It was a nothing Saturday morning. No real plans to do anything but to go look for a grill and maybe more plants. It was a nothing Saturday morning, except that it had many things my heart had desired for married life back when I was single. And the peace I felt made me want to travel back in time and tell that girl, that girl who had tried to make it work with so many wrong people- just wait. These men are not for you. But there is one and he will come along in your life when you least expect it.

 

Stay tuned for upcoming posts about the wedding and the honeymoon (Bahamas and Key West!)

In my wife era,

T @ Traveling With T